The car jostles and swerves over the veering road, engine roaring and speakers pounding. The vibrations shudder through Cora, who sits in the passenger seat with one hand clutching a half-empty bottle of soda and the other resting on Hayden’s shoulder. He is tense under the weight of her palm, his knuckles white as he jerks the steering wheel from left to right. 

Ahead bounces his brother’s dented, paint-chipped truck. From the driver’s seat, Tyler thrusts an arm into the chilly night air and raises his middle finger. Despite the thrumming bass and deafening guitars, Cora can almost hear Tyler’s giddy cackle. Her grip on Hayden’s shoulder tightens. 

Just moments ago, she and Hayden had been entwined atop his parents’ couch, her lips tracing his skin as the cable television flickered on and off. Across the room, Tyler dozed in a recliner, his mouth open and head lulling to the side. 

It was Hayden’s job to watch his brother while their parents were away. Between business trips, vacations, and long workdays, their parents spent more time abroad than at home, leaving Hayden in charge of their dreary country house, miles apart from the nearest town.

“You said Tyler would be at Elle’s,” Cora said. 

“I thought he would,” Hayden replied. His roaming hands stilled under her shirt. “They broke up earlier today. He’s not doing well.”

“He’ll be fine. They’ll be back together in a week.” Cora pulled at his navy polo and stood. Hayden didn’t move. “Let’s go upstairs.” 

“I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“He’s too drunk to even notice we’re gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Hayden said. He ran a hand through his hair. It was ruffled from Cora’s tugging. “You can go to sleep if you want.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Cora snatched her previously discarded sweater and wrapped it around herself. The rejection stung, and the heat between her legs had receded. “I just don’t get why you bothered to invite me.”

“I didn’t know this was going to happen,” he said, voice apologetic and face flushed. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” He stared at her with dark, earnest eyes. He was always sincere, even when he lied. 

“I’m taking a shower,” Cora said and withdrew to the stairs. She was halfway up when she heard the recliner groan. Unshaven and bleary-eyed, Tyler shuffled into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he mumbled a curse and groped for his keys. “I’m going down to the gas station.” 

Hayden stood, blocking his way to the door. “You’re drunk. You’re not going anywhere.”

“I’m good. Just give me your ID.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Fuck off,” Tyler said and shoved his brother aside.

Hayden went silent. He smoothed down his unruly hair and ran his hands over the wrinkles in his shirt. It was only a matter of time before he gave in. Cora hovered by the staircase railing and counted the seconds until he spoke his assent. One…Two…

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll drive you.”

Tyler’s petulant frown morphed into a smirk. Hayden stiffened as Tyler tossed his keys in the air and fumbled to catch them. His eager expression was one Cora had seen before, and it never meant anything good. “I’ll race you,” he said. “If you get there first, I won’t buy anything.”

“No,” Hayden said. “It’s dangerous.”

“Come on, it’s not that far. Don’t be a pussy.”

Cora gripped the staircase railing, unable to stay quiet any longer. “Let him go, Hayden. He’s not worth it.”

“Listen to your girlfriend,” Tyler said. 

Cora descended the stairs, wishing she could scratch the smug grin off his face. Hayden fidgeted beside the couch, his eyes darting between her and Tyler. When he faced her, she saw an apology on the tip of his tongue. 

“I can’t let him go by himself. You know how reckless he is.”

She did know. After just a year of driving, Tyler had already been in two accidents and received an array of speeding tickets, all of which he relied upon Hayden to sort out. Hayden did so without complaint, knowing all the while it was going to happen again. 

“Come on,” Hayden said. Tyler dodged as he tried to take the keys. 

“You’re not driving me.”

“You’re not going by yourself.”

Cora glared at Tyler as he protested, wishing Hayden would let him go. He wouldn’t; he never did. He always put Tyler before her, and it was far from the first time his brother had gotten between them. But she wasn’t going to let Tyler ruin her date once again. “Alright,” she said to Hayden. She forced her voice to sound casual. Calm. “Race him. I’ll go with you.”

“I like this one,” Tyler laughed. Cora smiled and resisted the urge to slap him.

She approached Hayden, running her hand along his back. His rigid muscles eased under her touch. “It’ll be fun,” she cooed. “This way you get to spend time with both of us.”

Hayden slouched and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t believe you two are making me do this.”

#

Now Cora is watching swaths of trees whisk by, so close that their leaves score against her window. The branches form a patchy tunnel over the road marred by potholes and flattened carcasses. She yearns to roll the window down and feel the cold air bite her skin. Instead, she takes a swig of lukewarm soda and places it in the cupholder beside Hayden. As the carbonation burns her throat, her eyes dart ahead to the shrinking silhouette of Tyler’s truck. “You can go faster than this.”

Hayden gives a sharp inhale as the car lurches over another dip in the road. “This is fine.”

“Tyler will be pissed if you don’t try. You know how he gets when he’s drunk.”

“This is why we all should’ve stayed home.”

Cora reaches for his hand, drawing it away from the steering wheel. She brings it to her lips. “He was going to go with or without you. We’re just being supportive.”

Her affection does nothing to soften his frown. “I think this is the first time you’ve ever done anything supportive for him.”

Cora dons a smile and squeezes Hayden’s hand. She replays the many times she had allowed Hayden to cancel dates and leave early and cut phone calls short for whatever mess Tyler had gotten himself into. How she let herself be pushed aside for him.

“What do you mean?” she says. “I’ve always been supportive.” She turns up the radio so she can’t hear his response. “Now go faster.”

#

Cora had known Hayden longer than he had known her. From the moment she saw him sitting in the front row of their literature seminar, their stack of assigned readings open and annotated on his desk, she was intrigued by him. As she passed him, catching a whiff of his sharp cologne, he glanced up and flashed her a brief, genuine smile. He wasn’t very handsome; his lips were too thin and his nose too crooked and his skin dotted with acne scars. But when his dark, assessing gaze fell upon her, she knew she wanted him. 

She spent the next three weeks watching him. In class, he bobbed his leg up and down as he scribbled notes in cramped handwriting. He ran a hand over his jaw when he was deep in thought, and his head tilted to the side just before he’d ask a question, which he did many times. Cora found it irritating at first, but his enthusiasm grew on her. 

By the fourth week of the semester, she knew he played soccer with his old high school buddies on the weekends. He enjoyed reading mass-market fantasy paperbacks and listening to indie rock. At night he watched nature documentaries and cartoons to help him sleep. He had a younger brother named Tyler who was still in high school, and every day he ate a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch. He hated tomatoes. His parents weren’t involved in his life. 

On the fifth week, she approached him. Class had just ended, and Cora had to jog to keep up with his brisk pace. He was typing a message on his phone, a battered second-hand paperback in his other hand. She tapped his shoulder when she reached him, her skin prickling with heady anticipation. “Hayden, right? Do you mind if I borrow your notes? I was sick last week.”

“Cora,” he said. There was a puzzled expression on his face as if he was surprised she had spoken to him. “Sure. Do you need them now?”

“I’m busy. You can come to my dorm room later.”

Hayden hesitated before replying. “How about the cafe instead?”

Cora wanted to argue, but she knew she had to be patient. “That sounds great.”

Hayden smiled, showcasing perfect white teeth, and she felt the thrill of attraction course through her. She thought about seizing his hand and tugging him to her room, but he was on his phone again, ignoring her. Before she could get a peek at his text messages, he shoved his phone into his pocket and sighed. 

“Sorry. Got to go. My brother’s in trouble at school, and he needs a ride.” He set off in a quick gait. Cora watched him retreat, feeling her opportunity slip between her fingers. 

“Wait,” she called. “Can I have your number?”

#

They reach a clearing, the trees giving way to a starry sky that blankets grassy hills. Hayden’s foot is pressed against the accelerator. The car rumbles in protest as it gains speed. Cora rolls down her window, singing along to ‘80s hair bands as the wind brushes against her neck. When Hayden isn’t looking, she unbuckles her seatbelt. 

Hayden is rigid beside her, his gaze focused ahead. He relaxes a little when she kisses him, and he gives her the same hesitant smile he did when they first met. His window remains shut and his seatbelt is locked in place, but he quietly hums along to the music. This is who she wants him to be. Relaxed. Carefree. Fun.

Tyler’s truck enlarges until he and Hayden are beside one another. Cora’s heart thumps as Hayden gets the lead, then Tyler. The car trembles as Hayden presses harder, the nose of his car forging ahead. Cora cheers as Tyler fumbles. She throws her arm out the window and gives him the finger in retaliation. 

Hayden watches her and shakes his head. He mutters something but is cut off by the blaring of Tyler’s horn. Cora laughs, watching as Tyler’s truck shrinks behind them. She imagines him slamming his hands against the steering wheel, cursing and shouting as his vehicle swerves. She revels in the thought of it. 

Cora turns to Hayden, who is stiff-backed and silent. He lets out a short, breathy laugh before his mouth clamps shut. She rests her arm around his neck and ruffles his hair. 

“I love you,” she says. 

He doesn’t look at her. “I love you too.”

#

Their first date was at a small local diner that served cheap food in great portions. Despite the hour, the only other occupants were a rowdy family of eight clustered around a mountain of empty plates and an older couple sitting side by side, playfully bickering as they stole bites from one another’s meals. 

Cora frowned at the couple’s interlocked hands as they kissed and giggled like they were sharing a secret. She wanted to know what they were saying and how long they had been together. She constructed the details of their perfect marriage. How they had an outdoor wedding and three kids and lived in a cozy house in the suburbs. They did everything together. They never fought. From the entrance, Hayden waved. Cora pulled her gaze away. 

They sat across from one another at a dimly lit booth, the sticky leather clinging to Cora’s bare legs. They crunched on greasy fries as they waited for their dinner. Hayden was quiet in the beginning, his hands toying with his utensils, but Cora pulled him out of his shell, asking him questions about sports and books and why he chose his major. He spoke of his research projects, and Cora was enthralled by the way he crawled out of his shell, eyes gleaming and focused solely on her. At that moment, she would have done anything to keep his attention. 

When their meals arrived, Cora offered her plate to him. “Do you want to share?”

The food was bland, but that didn’t matter. Not when she pulled Hayden against her in the parking lot, pressing her mouth against his. He was slow at first, but soon his hands slithered across her back and up her chest and under her skirt. Heat seared her skin wherever his fingertips brushed, her hair standing on end. She leaned against his car and shuddered, pleading for him to give her what she wanted. When her hands slipped beneath the hem of his jeans, his phone vibrated. “Shit.”

“Ignore it.”

“I can’t. It’s Tyler.”

Hayden jogged a few feet away, cupping his phone to his ear. Cora wrapped her arms around herself and watched him pace up and down the parking lot. With her hair curled into fluffy ringlets and a thick layer of lipstick smeared on her face, she felt like a clown. She kicked her foot against the car, the shooting pain serving as a distraction. By the time Hayden had hung up, she had composed herself. 

“What does he want?” She said before he could explain. 

“He’s just a kid, Cora. He needs me.”

“He’s seventeen, not twelve.”

“I’m all he has,” Hayden snapped. “Our parents don’t fucking care. It’s my job to look after him.”

Cora looked down at her swollen toes. They had turned purple and throbbed. She clenched them, sending shock waves up her legs. “Sorry. What happened?”

“Elle’s dad caught them together at her place. He hates Tyler. He’s freaking out.”

“Alright. Go get him then.”

“I’m sorry, Cora. I’ll drive you home.”

“It’s fine. I’ll call someone.”

Hayden looked like he might protest, but he didn’t. He shoved his hands into his pockets and shuffled toward the car. Before he could get inside, Cora reached out, wrapping her arms around his waist. He hesitantly responded. 

“Tonight was fun,” she said. 

“Are you sure?”

“I mean it. I’d really like to see you again.”

The color rose on Hayden’s face; she could tell he wasn’t used to this kind of affection. He cleared his throat. “That would be nice. You really don’t need a ride?”

“I’m good. Go pick up Tyler.”

Cora stood alone in the parking lot, watching Hayden’s car disappear onto the busy road. Once she had lost sight of it, she limped to a nearby bench and blinked back the sting of tears. 

#

“Why are you slowing down?” Cora asks. Tyler is far behind them now, reduced to nothing but two pinpricks of light. But there’s still time for him to catch up. 

Hayden turns off the radio. “I’ll just let him win. He’s had a rough week.”

“He needs a challenge,” Cora says. “You can’t quit this far in.”

“This is dangerous.”

Cora removes her arm from his shoulder and turns to face the window. The pressure pricks at her ears. “You never want to do anything fun.”

“Buckle your seatbelt,” he says. She doesn’t listen. 

#

They had been together for a month and a half when Hayden had stood her up for the first time. Cora roamed around the bustling mall, waiting at their usual spot by the kiosk selling soft pretzels, Hayden’s favorite place. As she stood there, she checked her phone. Eleven text messages, six phone calls, and four voicemails left unanswered. She turned her phone off and picked at her nail polish. 

Beside her, a group of preteens ambled by in a uniform of dark hoodies. A little girl helped her grandmother walk across the food court. A couple strolled by arm in arm, gossiping over their shared milkshake. Cora glared at them as they dabbed whipped cream off their lips, swinging their arms back and forth in unison. How they leisurely wandered by, heedless of the crowd and so completely absorbed in one another. She wondered how long they would last. Probably a month. Maybe two. She thrust her phone into her purse and strode past them to the nearest storefront. 

He was waiting outside her dorm, ragged and slumped over when she returned from her shopping spree, having bought a collection of clinking bracelets too large for her wrists and ankle boots with heels too tall to walk in and a haircut that left her hair hanging just above her shoulders. When she reached him, she swung her shopping bags at his face. 

“What the fuck,” she yelled. “Thanks for letting me know you were ditching me. I stood there like an idiot for two hours.”

“I’m sorry.” He bent down to pick up her bags, which had fallen into the muddy lawn. She wanted to kick him. She wanted to cry. 

“Something important came up,” he said, his eyes red-rimmed. He held out her sodden bags. She didn’t take them. Whatever had happened, she didn’t care.

“Why am I not good enough for you?”

“Not everything is about you.”

“Right. It’s about Tyler.”

“This time is different,” he said, voice rough. “Tyler was with his friends and there was an accident. He wasn’t driving. He didn’t do anything.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did. You didn’t answer.”

Cora reached for her phone, which she had turned off hours ago. “You should’ve told me earlier.”

“I can’t do everything on your schedule.”

“You can’t save him from everything.”

Hayden’s eyes flashed. “I’m not abandoning him.” He let go of her bags. The bracelets clattered as they splashed into the mud. It was starting to rain again. Hayden folded his arms, his gaze low. “Maybe we should just end things.”

Cora failed to suppress her tears. “I would do anything for you, and you’re leaving me. You’re such an asshole.”

Hayden stared at the sodden shopping bags, their paper having turned a grayish brown from absorbing the filth. He didn’t respond. 

“I love you,” she cried. “You’ve never felt that way about me. You’ve never put in as much effort as I have.”

“That’s not true–”

“You just like the attention. You don’t want to give it back. I’m such an idiot.” She brushed past Hayden as she moved toward the door, strands of hair clinging to her damp face. She could barely see anything through the stringy blur. 

“Cora.” Hayden’s voice wavered as he caught her wrist. His hand was clammy and shaking. “I love you. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

She let him wrap his arms around her. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” She realized then that he was crying too. She couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied, her own arms encircling him. But that seething hurt still simmered in her chest. She couldn’t let go of it. Instead of answering him, she brought her mouth to his, and her want took over. He whispered apologies against her neck, and she pretended she didn’t hear them. She lifted his fingers to her hair. 

“Do you like it? Tell me you like it.”

“I like it,” he said, twirling a strand between his fingers. “You look cute.”

This time when his phone rang, he silenced it. He stared at the blinking screen for a long moment before Cora took it from his hand. “Let’s go inside.” He let her take him in without a response. 

#

From the rearview mirror, Cora sees Tyler gaining speed. She bounces her leg up and down, not wanting to be the first to break the silence. She taps the mirror until Hayden looks up. 

“I’ve had enough of this,” he says. His foot hovers over the brakes. 

“Don’t.” Cora points toward the squat building up ahead, its lights beaming in the darkness like a halo. There is no other building in sight. “The gas station is right there.”

But Hayden isn’t listening. He eases on the brakes. 

“Stop sulking. We’re already ahead,” she says. 

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Then you should’ve let me drive.”

“We shouldn’t be here, like this,” he says, frantic and pale. Tyler’s truck sounds louder with each second, its engine rumbling in their ears. Cora can’t bring herself to glance back and see how close he is. She can’t watch him win this. 

“Stop whining and go faster,” she snaps.

“You’re not listening to me. I can’t do this.”

“We’re not having this conversation right now,” Cora says. She doesn’t need to hear what Hayden has to say. She knows what that sinking feeling in her stomach is. She has seen that look on Hayden’s face before. It didn’t matter who won the race; she had already lost. 

“Slow down then. I don’t care anymore.”

Hayden inhales sharp breaths as he removes his foot from the gas. His trembling hand comes away from the steering wheel, past her own hand, and latches onto her bottle of soda. He raises it to his lips and swallows in large gulps. It enrages Cora. 

“That’s mine,” she shouts. She snatches the drink from his hand, the carbonation fizzing and liquid spilling over her hands and onto Hayden’s lap. 

“Cora!” Hayden lets go of the wheel for only a second, his soaked arms raised in frustration. He is about to speak, but the headlights of Tyler’s truck shine upon them in a blinding spotlight. Hayden fights to control the wheel, but he is too late. His hand slips on the leather. The car swerves. Tyler’s ecstatic grin morphs into terror. Their vehicles collide, metal crunching and tires spinning as they smash into the roadside. 

#